A rugby team walks into a restaurant…
Just to clarify before I proceed with rewriting the joke, please note that some cultural or regional references, like those to UK-specific adverts, might not have direct equivalents elsewhere. That said, let me take a stab at a reinterpretation for a broader audience, keeping the spirit of the joke:
Imagine this scene: After a vigorous game and a triumphant win, a rugby team marches into a diner to celebrate. They’re all buzzed with victory, making quite the racket.
Their server, Pierre, has just brought over a tray of cold drinks and is now attempting to gather their dinner orders amidst the din and commotion of their celebration.
Suddenly, like a choir in sync, the players fixate on the aquarium by their table and chant in unison, “We want that one, we want that one!”
In the tank swims a rare and unique creature, and Pierre is clearly shocked. “Oh no,” he protests, “That creature is not for your plates! It’s our beloved oddity, a creature of much acclaim!”
Trying to reason with them, Pierre explains, “That is the exotic, bearded cephalopod!”
But the team won’t relent, keeping up their shouts for the dish.
Reluctantly, Pierre agrees and takes the creature to the kitchen. However, he realizes he can’t bring himself to end its life.
In comes Klaus, the stoic assistant, who seems willing to help and lifts a butcher’s knife… but then his resolve falters.
Once more he tries, and once more he can’t follow through. He returns to Pierre, shaking his head, ready to relay a message back to our persistent team:
“The soft-hearted Klaus, despite his efforts, doesn’t have it in him to part with the bearded sea spectacle. He’s just too tender, like the gent serving you your squidless dishes.”
(Note: The original joke plays on the UK advertising jingle for Fairy Liquid: “Hands that do dishes can feel soft as your face, with mild green Fairy Liquid.” In this rewrite, I aimed to retain the word pun without relying on specific commercial references, so the essence might differ to accommodate a broader understanding.)